I enjoy every second and minute of my time in STS. I now know how stressed I was in the past. Though studying involves some level of stress but I am so relieved here. I really spend time reflecting on my ministries in the past as I read the lecturers' recommended good books. All these readings help me to be self-critical. It means I have to ask myself: what is wrong (or right) with my thinking, attitude, actions and behaviour? I need to ask the same questions for my family, my church (especially Sarawak Chinese Annual Conference), and the society I live in (Sarawak in particular and Malaysia in general and the world at large).
Confession of my sin is part of being self-critical. I had a little encounter which is significant for me to share with you. I played ping pong with a lecturer just now. At a critical point when I was just leading by one point, and I was one point away from the game point, her ball actually touched the edge of the table and she could not see it and hear the touch. However, I heard the slight touch on the edge. I did not confess as I usually did. I award the point to myself and therefore, I reached the game point to go on and win the game! My conscience, the Holy Spirit, and Christ, my Lord did not let let me go. I felt guilty even while I was playing the next match. The tension in my heart was to confess to her or not. The accusations of wrong kept coming back to me. I did not want to tell her as I wanted to save my FACE & PRIDE!
GUILT & CONFESSION
At last, the final game was over. The guilt was all the time there as I began walking out of the sports hall and down the staircase to go back to the hostel. I asked myself, "Do I want to live with my guilt? Can I just forget about it? Nobody knew, she did not know, but Jesus knew and I knew. As I walked further down the staircase, the question kept coming back my mind was, "Do I want to live with the guilt or not, or just confess my sin to her?" Praise the Lord, I choose to obey Jesus and I told Him I did not want to live with my guilt. Right there and then, I quickly told myself my face and pride were minor issues, compared to the guilt and unholiness that I am going to live with forever. I choose to be honest with Jesus. I obediently walked up the staircase and confessed my sin to her. She said it must be during the close match! I said so. Though she laughed about it but deep down in my heart, my guilt was gone. My soul was uplifted!
Praise the Lord I am able to practise what Jesus said, "Let your yes be yes. Let your no be no." I pray that you all will join me to be honest with Jesus and obey Him in minute details in our life. Be honest with your conscience and Jesus, our God and master.
A faithful disciple of Jesus,
Pastor Law Hui Seng
(13th February, 2011, at STS, KK)
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